Pregnancy Journal

Your dad and I had a lovely Christmas together this year.  We've spent a lot of time talking about you this week...about the things we want to teach you and show you when you're older.  We are so excited to introduce you to God and this world.  We think a lot about how your little mind will take in new experiences.  We've thought a lot about family traditions and how we want you to view and experience things like Advent, Christmas, etc.

Your dad is super excited to homeschool you - we'll do that together and we can't wait to be your teachers.

I've had a lot of BH contractions the past couple of weeks.  We need to get your baby clothes washed and your stuff together!  We want to be all ready for you in case you come a little early.

I talk to you throughout the day, especially when you're moving.  Sometimes when I rest my hand on my belly or have my purse against my side you start poking - it's so cute!  Sometimes I feel your little feet up by my ribs and I just stop everything I'm doing to focus on the amazing experience of feeling you push up against my hand.  I can't believe I've got this amazing little person growing in me and feeling you move never ceases to amaze and delight me.   In the mornings when I wake up on my side I feel what I think is your litle hand touching the edges of the side of your cozy space.  You have a variety of movements - the feet by the ribs, the hands on the side and then the big huge thumps that are so fun.  You also get the hiccups a couple times a day and that is pretty cute although I'm sure it's kind of exhausting for you.

I can't wait to hold you, baby boy that I love!

So today I found out that this pain I've been complaining about for months is actually a hernia that will need to be removed - hopefully it can wait until the baby is born.  The whole thing stresses me out a little but I have to realize that this is not a huge deal.  I just wasn't planning on needing a surgery during my already too short maternity leave.  It breaks my heart that I might not be able to take care of our baby as constantly as I would without surgery recovery - the breastfeeding situation will also not be ideal...so I'm stressed about money, my job, my leave, Sameer's  back (since I can't lift much now and need to take it easy).  But the main priority is this sweet baby.  He's doing just fine and I love him more every day.  I just hope my physical issues don't affect him too much in the womb or in his early days.

Right now I'm watching him squirm around in my belly.  I think I'm seeing his head unless he turned and that's his little bottom.  He's a busy baby in there, moving all the time.  I just can't wait to meet him and take care of him.  I can't wait to hold him and feed him and watch him drift off to sleep safe in my arms.  It's amazing how you can love and care so much about a person so much before you've even met him.  I'm so concerned to give him a loving beginning...I just want him to feel so safe and loved with us and I hope we will be good parents.  I hope he will always see and know how much we love him and I hope he's happy. 

Today Baby Thumper (or Baby Thump or Baby T as I've been calling him) was poking me throughout the staff meeting at work.  Sometimes I'd get big kicks right on my arm which was resting on my side.  It was so cute but I was wondering if my arm was bothering him so I folded my hands and rested them on the top of my belly - I didn't think he was up so high yet.  All of a sudden I felt the strangest most shocking bulge and movement in my upper belly and I nearly jumped out of my chair - I was so startled.  It was quite memorable.  It wasn't a kick - but just felt like he was pressing his bottom or head firmly into my arms and it was so unexpected.  These days of feeling my baby move are the best.  It's so amazing and worth all the nausea (the nausea that never leaves even).

Wow, it's been too long and I'm really tired right now but I've been meaning to write in here.  This month has been so fun because our Baby Thumper is moving all the time.  I just love feeling his kicks and thumps and I am overwhelmed with how much I already love him.  I can't imagine how much we'll love him when we can hold him at last.  The other morning I felt him all balled up on one side of my belly - it must have been his back and bottom because you could see the big bump one one side and I just loved it.  I put both my hands around that bump and felt like I was holding him. 

The thought of going back to work and leaving him is breaking my heart.  I just can't stand the thought of leaving him for so many hours a day even though he'll be with his dad.  I'm praying for alternatives.  Our money is so tight and we have a few major expenses coming up but I'm working so hard on budgeting and couponing and planning meals, etc. so I can spend as much time as possible with this baby.