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I took over guardianship of my niece who is now 6 almost 2 years ago from my sister and her boyfriend who are drug users and could not provide for her at the time, in the last 2 years nothing has changed, I will not let them see her until they show improvement in their life which means stay drug free get a stable place to live and a job since I have done the visitation with them because my niece has wanted to see them but it has turned out to be bad decesion everytime, my sister is demanding to get her back and threatening to take me to court, I love my niece have grown attached to her even through all the hard times in the last 2 years I am married and have a 3 year old daughter as well and this has put strain on my life but has gotten to be rewarding for how well my niece is doing now she is happy here since we have a stable household, am i selfish for not letting them see her, I want to adopt her but don't think it will ever happen since the parents want her back, I legally have her until she is 18 or unless the parents take me to court and a judge sides with them just looking for thoughts ↓
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| Name: Sarah | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 10:08 AM |
| I dont think that if they take you to court they will recieve custody if you can prove the drug issues. I think you need to get yourself a lawyer and take them to court for a custody case because that way you are the one who will have the upper hand and as long have a good amount of evidence that proves you would be a better parent and that you would have a safe drug free home then I dont think they will go on the parents side since you have taken care of her and the parents still arent clean. If you wait for them to take you to court they have time to get stuff that may go against the things you say such as cleaning there systems and making a temperary positive home to the courts standards. I know this because it happened with my sister and my mother. So I would say you need to get the ball rolling and you should get your niece. ↑ |
| Name: Cari | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 10:24 AM |
| well there is noting to take her to court for, I have legal custody of her until her 18th birthday and i dont have to provide them with visitation its up to me said the court, they have to take me to court for visitation and their drugs issues are proven they have done jail time for being under the influence and carrying marijuana and breaking and entering here so i am in a sticky spot, if they continue withtheir loser life i will be fine but a judge may feel sorry for them if they take me to court and order something extreme is my fear ↑ |
| Name: same situation | Date: Feb 27th, 2006 12:14 PM |
Hi Cari~
Im in the process of getting guardianship of my infant nephew. I NEVER want him to go back because of the situation. I would like to adopt him but I think the judge has to rule on that order. Do you have a good attorney? If she takes you to court, demand a hair follicle test. Demand a mediator at visitation to comment on "bonding" or lack there of. Demand they be evaluated by a social worker. Other than that, I don't know what else to recommend. ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 6:26 PM |
| Iam so proud of you for what you are doing!!!!If you already have her til shes 18 dont do anything unless you still want to about adopting her since they are fighting it. Instead tell them to feel free to take you to court and if they really do THEN go and prove your case that they havent changed any and then motion to the judge that you would LOVE to adopt the child.I hope all goes well for you ,you are a wonderful person,may GOD BLESS YOU!!!!! I only wish there were more people like you to take other children out of bad homes and love them and show them how family life is SUPPOSED to be. Your neice is VERY lucky to have you! Good Luck! I wish you very well and much happiness!! ↑ |
| Name: claudia | Date: May 7th, 2006 1:31 AM |
Hi Cari,
I too have guardianship of my husband's niece. Her mother is a drug user and her boyfriend too. She has two more children other than the one that is staying with me. My mother in law has the oldest that is 13 and I have the one that is 10 years old. Unfortunatly the youngest that is 3 years old is still with her. I had been sending my niece over on the weekends and come to find out that she had been using drugs while she would go and visit. I don't want to send her anymore, but I am afraid that she could just come and pick her up and take her away. I do not want to lose her. I want to adopt her and I just don't know how to go about doing that. I have four children of my own and I am a stay at home mom and planning to go back to school in the fall. I am afraid that I won't get granted for this adoption because of the number of my family and our economical status. We all love her and want her to stay. ↑ |
| Name: pc | Date: May 7th, 2006 6:07 AM |
Cari,
You are not selfish in not letting them see her. You have your niece's best interests at heart. You are protecting her. You are keeping her from having horrible memories of her mother, this will be to your sister's benefit if she ever get's control of her life.
Are you selfish? Well you love her, so it's only natural that you want to keep her in your life forever and ever. But let's say that your sister, in 5 years hits rock bottom, dumps the boyfriend (he disappears) and cleans up her act. 3 years later she is still doing real good, matured, has a stable job and is taking care of herself. Let us also say that she over this time has established a healthy relationship with her daughter. Would you want to keep her daughter from her then? I think not, because you truly have your niece's best interests at heart over your own.
Now ofcourse this is the ideal situation.
You have your niece's best interests at heart, so although you may have a certain amount of conflict about this, you can see that it is in your niece's best interest to have her mom, IF her mom gets in control of her life.
This actually is a somewhat similar situation to what a cousin of mine went through. She had a son and a daughter, raised by her sister and husband. She has quite the history, I will assure you. But at some point she took back control, got cleaned up, and took care of herself. Eventually she was able to be the mother she was supposed to be, albeit late, but still...better late then never. The kids were preteens when they moved back with their mother, 9 years with their aunt.
Now they are grown, one a senior in high school, the other 2nd year college student. It isn't all perfect, but they are actually doing a lot better then others that have had 'normal' lifes.
Try not to be too concerned about your sister getting custody of her daughter back when it is not good. For one thing, in order for her to retain an attorney, she has to have a certain amount of money, usually a few hundred dollars, which for some mysterious reason drug users can't seem to come up with.
Also keep in mind that judges are not so easily hoodwinked by such people. Someone obviously thinks you are trustworthy in order for you to get the guardianship that you have. That is not so easily dismissed.
Just keep good records.
You'll be fine. ↑ |
| Name: laurevere | Date: Jul 28th, 2006 9:39 PM |
| My grandson was 3 days old when I found myself in the same situation you are in now. For years I had temporary custody, which eventually went to permanent, only because his parents was not in a situation to care for him. He is now 16 yrs old, I Legally adopted him when he was 14 yrs old. I got tried of the threats from his parents who are not together trying to get him. When I finally stopped thinking about'THEIR" situation and waitingfor them to come to their senses, I threathen them with "BACK" child support and possible incarceration if and when they took him! When they realized I was NOT playing because "NOW" i was thinking about him and his future, they was more than glad to sign their rights away! They still visit him and he visit them. More important he is not scared anymore, that makes it worth while. I still donot get any financial help, but that ok. Stop thinking about how would they feel when you proceed with the adoption! Think about what would it do to YOU if you let her go back to what you know is "HELL!" Also, contact your local adoption agency through your local welfare office, you can receive monthly adoption assistance ($450.00-$650.00) depending upon the state you live in, that should offset some of your expenses. I rec monthly benfits for my grandson, that is put into a Bank CD for his education. I hope I was some help! ↑ |
| Name: question | Date: Jul 31st, 2006 1:05 PM |
Hi Cari,
Have the parents ever paid child support?Have they ever made any attempt to support her whatsoever?clothes?gifts?money?toys?etc.If no they really don't have alot of rights,but if they want to take it to court they do have a fighting chance because they ARE the parents.A good thing for you to do is to keep in mind that no matter how awful the home situation they are her bio family and that she deserves to know them and spend time with them,if she chooses.It MUST be supervised time but if you do not give her time to get to knoe her parents she WILL go back to them when she is 18.It always happens.I am a state cert foster/adopive parent and it has been proven that no matter the life you give the kid they always want to know their rootd.If she grows up knowing what kind of people they are she will likely not want to be like them.so give her supervised time and let her write to them,etc.never bad mouth them in front of her and quietly let her know that they aren't doing very good,sick ,etc and that they love her too but right now isnt a good time for her to spend alot of time together. ↑ |
| Name: T-inutah | Date: Sep 15th, 2006 11:22 AM |
| I am about to fight for my niece,her mother is an addict and I have tryed cleaning her up twice to no avail and I have to do something about the situation my niece is in but I have no idea where to start to get custody or guardienship if you can help me please, please I am begging for any help at all before something bad happens to my niece. My sister is in a real bad way she is cutting herself, using drugs,she has a ton of people at her house all the timeand my niece is right in the middle of all of this. I need help and I need it real fast i am desperate to save her. ↑ |
| Name: muhammad suleman khan | Date: Sep 21st, 2006 10:25 AM |
i want that some one adop me because my parents are adopting me to other person so i want that someone in england
adop me ↑ |
| Name: rosemary benjamin | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 1:00 AM |
| i know how u feel i have a sister in law thru marriage and she runs around alot and i have her 4 year old daughter and 4 month old with me and my husband all the time but i want to get guardianship of them and mom says she will until she is stable enough to take care of them.she is only here two days a week so i know what u r going thru but im not blood related only by marriage if u can tell me what to do i would greatly appreciate it thank u and i think u have the right idea on what u r doing......oh yea and i take her daughter to school everyday and pick her up all the time plus i have two of my own i take care of ↑ |
| Name: kaitlynn1835 | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 4:55 PM |
| Someone asked if the parents have been paying for child support? I recently found my adoption papers when I was visiting my parents, and according to the papers, because my father had never payed my mother child support when he was able, his signature was not needed to okay the adoption. (My step-dad adopted me.) If I were you, I would think about talking to a lawyer about getting the ball rolling on adoption, which would mean that these parents with their destructive behaviors will never have any rights to this child ever again, and you can keep him from having to experience his parents kind of life. ↑ |
| Name: kaitlynn1835 | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 4:58 PM |
| Sorry, I meant her, not him. ↑ |
| Name: Stephanie | Date: Oct 22nd, 2006 12:15 PM |
| We are wanting to adopt my husbands sisters 6 month old son. She is willing to let us adopt him but I dont know how to go about all of this. We are curious about the financial dealings with it. Does she just sign him over to us? Do we go to court to let a judge asign us parents and to adopt? Can anyone give us some tips and advise on this. ↑ |
| Name: tanya1982 | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 7:32 AM |
| I dont think they will be able to get her back if they are druggies you can get the judge to court order a drug test on them. On the down side it will be hard to adopt her too without them giving up their parental rights me and my husband went through a similar situation with my ex husband ↑ |
| Name: Donna | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 3:25 PM |
| For all of you....I don't know if this helps or not.... I went to court to fight for emergency temporary custody of my niece. CPS recommended that I do it, but they were not involved. They said that as long as my sister was leaving her with my mom that she was safe. I flew from arizona to wa state. I proved to the court that they were sleeping in a car and that she was in danger. I also asked for a drug test before she left the court and it was granted. Of course she flunked with flying colors. We had another hearing and she was given to me. It is very hard to win emergency custody much less taking her out of state....BUT I did it!!!! Yeah to the state of WA! I've had her 6 months and my sister hasn't done anything towards rehab yet. We will file to have her rights severed and to adopt soon. They want a retainer fee (lawyer) of $4500 and it could cost more since CPS isn't involved. Can anyone help me find help for that? My husband and three boys love her dearly as well as I. She never wants to talk to her mom when she calls and cries because she's afraid she'll have to go back. We have to make this permanent. She loves her cousins very much and started calling them her brothers and us mom and dad!!!! Good Luck to you all!! ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Jun 25th, 2007 9:38 PM |
| I am in a simular situation. I have custody of my 1 year old nephew. He was taken from his parents a month ago because of his parents fighting and frug abuse. ↑ |
| Name: sandra sterner | Date: Jul 10th, 2007 12:54 PM |
| Name: sandra | Date: Jul 10th, 2007 12:56 PM |
| Name: Patti | Date: Jul 16th, 2007 1:59 AM |
| WOW!! This is happening to me right now and I am so scared. I have had custody of my niece since she was 2 but I have had physical custody of her since she was 1 1/2 she is now 4 1/2 she has always called me Aunt Patti and I have always told her that if she ever wants to call me mom its ok. about 1 month ago she started calling us mom and dad and I new that she had made her desiction and now I was just served with papers on friday from my sister saying she wants visits and wants her every holiday!! I am so scarred I don't want her to have nothing to do with her. May be you can help me to Thank Patti ↑ |
| Name: Rich | Date: Jul 26th, 2007 10:20 PM |
| That was the longest sentence of all time. Why bother with a response. ↑ |
| Name: td | Date: Aug 7th, 2007 3:54 PM |
im in kinda the same situation well me and my mom
weve had custody of my neice now 1 1/2 and my nephew which is 3.we got custody cause of my sisters drug problem that she lost her twins and my oldest neice to.my brother in law is also in and out of jail.but when we went for the custody my sister had the chance to come and try to get them back which she didnt,she use to call all the time and come for a visit every holiday and all of a sudden it stopped..theses past days ive been thinking about adopting my neice when i turn 18 cause she calls me mommy and i take care of her as if she was my own..im just afraid when i do go for adoption that my sister and brother in law will step in and try to take them away from us...i dont know what i should do ↑ |
| Name: Jan | Date: Aug 28th, 2007 5:44 PM |
| I'm in a similiar situation. My niece is living with her mother in a one bedroom apartment with about 5 other people. Her mother leaves her with my brother and our family for days and doesnt come for her. And when she does she's been drinknig so my brother doesn't allow her to leave with the baby. The baby is living in an unsafe environment, where here mothers side of the family is abusive and uses drugs and negligent. However we have absolutely no actual proof to bring into court, unless we have video surveillance set up in the cramped up apartment. This is where the system fails kids, because my brother can't take her to court for full custody, bc physically there is no evidence of negligence, unless you followed the baby aroudn with her mother. I started recording the baby every single day she's been home, and tracking the days her mother actually shows up to get her...but that's useless in the court of of law.. it's sad, bc i fear for my baby nieces life, and not much can be done! ↑ |
| Name: pili | Date: Sep 2nd, 2007 9:08 PM |
| i really want a sister.i am 9 ↑ |
| Name: shana Adams | Date: Sep 2nd, 2007 10:02 PM |
| I am in the same situation. My neice is also with me. She is 14 and her mother is also a drug user. In Feb. My sister attempted sucide and was in icu for seven in a half weeks. We almost lost her. She was then in step down unit for another three weeks then rehab for only two weeks. My sister was asking my neice to start talking and working through things. We just found out she is already using again. I will not allow my neice to go through the pain no more. When she straightens up my neice can decide if she wants to see her. I plan on adopting her, she deserves the stability in her life. I have had her for many years now my sister is threating to take me to court. I say bring it on. My neice wants me to adopt her, i am now looking into how to go about it. I really think you are doing the right thing. I feel as long as you put the childs best interest first you are doing the right thing !!! ↑ |
| Name: josh | Date: Sep 17th, 2007 12:37 AM |
| how did you go about getting custody of your neice ? i have a 6 years old neice who iwas taking care of for 6 months and when we tryed to get my sister to signover her rights she wouldn't and we had to give her back because there was nothing signed. she is still on drugs to and now shes pregnat again and still doing drugs. ↑ |
| Name: heva | Date: Oct 7th, 2007 8:55 AM |
| Im 18 and Im studying childcare at NVQ level. i have the same issue although i live at home. My 2 lil cousins (second cousins) are living with my cousin (the brother/uncle) I have found out that the youngest has been sexually abused and is beening exposed to drugs and whatnot. I try to see both of them as much as possible (as now they are both seperated) and I want coustordy of them both as i feel they need to be together. the youngest has already said she wants to live with me, and i love them both sooo much. my parents dont want to get involved so when I turn 18 (in a month) i want to move out and get them both as i know they will benefit from me looking after them. does anyone think i have a chance as i have had many years to consider how much i will sacrefice and the change in my life, but this will make them and me happy. also the birth mother (my 1st cousin) said that she would agree to me looking after her kids. please would you email me at a_hidden_angel@hotmail.com with any advice thank you. x ↑ |
| Name: wessiepooh12 | Date: Oct 8th, 2007 3:09 PM |
tell ur sister to get it together she made something beautiful and that lil angel thinks of her as her world but she cant be a mother untill she can be an ADULT!!!
-leslie ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: Oct 26th, 2007 9:51 AM |
| Hi...I'm in a very sad situation now. My sister in law has 4 children and recently had them all taken from her. Well we found out that she is now preg. w/ the 5th. She is also still addicted to meth. My husband and I want to adopt the 5th. Do you know who we could contact in the court system to get more info? Please help!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Melissa Lavalley | Date: Nov 19th, 2007 4:22 PM |
HI MY NAME IS MELISSA
AND I WANT TO ADOPT MY BORTHER AND SISSTER
AND NEED TO KNOWE HOW TO GO ABOUT DOING IT ↑ |
| Name: Amberr | Date: Nov 28th, 2007 2:50 AM |
| honestly i know people that have been there and the parents can get a drug test done but they cant do anything if the drugs are already in there system just becaue they do drugs doesnt mean they cant get there kid back if anything they cant keep a stable house and a job that would be the only reason but at least give visting rites cause thats not fair at all ↑ |
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