I posted this under another topic after I realized it hasn't been visited in a while.
I would lke to know what people think about my situation. My fiance and his daughter kiss on the lips. It wierds me out. It seems as though she really needs it and I don't understand why. Last night for example she leaned in twice to kiss him and then she was still standing waiting for another kiss. He grabed the back of her neck and pulled her forward for another. I asked him about it and he laughed and said it was because he wanted her to hurry and get to bed.
He also like to show affection to her by stroking her hair or her arm and he denies it but i've seen him smack her butt(which he does to his son as well), When they sit together on the couch she'll lay against him with her arm across his lap or his across hers and I wonder what would happen if she brushes him or visa versa. She used to lay on him but I told him it was inappropriate and she hasn't done that in a while. I find myself thinking that I don't like this behavior because I think of it as things him and I do and I think that the affection a man shows to his daughter should be different the the affection he shows his fiance. Also, she is 13 and hasn't hit puberty yet. I wonder what if she never gets uncofortable with these shows of affection. I find myself not wanting to be affectionate with him after these things go on. What do you think? ↓
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| Name: Emma | Date: Mar 6th, 2007 7:06 PM |
i think she a kid thats lucky thats she got a close relationship with her dad, would you think it was strange if it was the other way round being a mum and son?? proberly not.
why dont you just speak to him about it?? ↑ |
| Name: rachtwins | Date: Mar 7th, 2007 4:09 AM |
| Its innocent lovely to see a Father show his affection for his daughter. Sounds to me like your a little jelous. ↑ |
| Name: USapple1 | Date: Mar 7th, 2007 1:33 PM |
Emma and rachtwins, thank you for your replies!
I have spoken to him about it and he doesn't understand. I may be jealous...it sounds crazy to me and if that's my problem I am very ashamed. I don't and never have had a relationship with my father so I don't have any examples of how it should be. Maybe if he was the same with the rest of our children I wouldn't be uncomfortable with it. I strongly believe he favors her over the other children and I think I resent it. I don't believe that it's o.k. to choose favorites among your children. Recently I've been doing a lot of soul searching to try to figure out what's wrong with me. I think I should find a way to accept his relationship with his daughter but how do I do that without compromising my own beliefs or values?
Please respond if you have any insight. This has put a strain on our relationship and I want to get past it in the most efficient and positive way.
Thanks a million! ↑ |
| Name: nicole miller | Date: Mar 7th, 2007 4:53 PM |
My dad and I were very close... and my hubby is very close to his daughter... and I would still be pretty disturbed by what you described. I don't think, in my oppinion only, that it's appropriate. I certainly wouldn't allow it in my house.
Maybe I just read into things to much, but body language says a lot. Kissing on the lips (a peck) is okay - but where his hands are would make all the difference (i.e. back of the neck would NOT be okay with me).
I just asked hubby what he thought (his daughter is 14) and he said "Gross... that's gross..." Brittani and him don't kiss on the lips period. They hug. The last time he kissed Brittani was probably 6 months ago.. and it was on the forehead when she was leaving to go back to her mothers. ↑ |
| Name: USapple1 | Date: Mar 7th, 2007 9:04 PM |
Thanks Nicole for your reply.
I agree with you. I wouldn't allow it in my house either. The problem is we're a blended family and what I get from him is that he doesn't see anything wrong with it. "It's his daughter and he wants to show her he cares.'' We've had some issues with my moving in. I have a way I like things done and when I mention alternatives he says that it's hard for him to change the way he's been doing things that he's been doing for years.
Hopefully I will get a chance to talk to him tonight. Thank you for your input. ↑ |
| Name: babey_g_311 | Date: Mar 10th, 2007 7:07 PM |
| I don't think its wrong....everyone is different...like when I was growing up I felt uncomfortable even hugging my dad....but than ive seen lots of families that show affection like your husband does.....it just has to do with how he was raised. My daughter is only 5 weeks old but when she got older I think if my husband did most of that stuff it wouldn't bother me...unless the kiss on the lips was more than a peck i guess..... ↑ |
| Name: tartbones | Date: Jun 15th, 2007 12:11 PM |
uhm, wow, i don't know what to think, id never do that.
i think you should tell her to grow up. ↑ |
| Name: mystery | Date: Jul 2nd, 2007 4:42 PM |
iiiiiiiiii hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeee mmmmyyyyy ddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddd ssssssssssssssooooooooo mmmmmmmmuuuuuuuccccchhhhhhh
!!!!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Kathy | Date: Jul 9th, 2007 9:07 PM |
| as I said before I would rather kiss my dad on the lips then have dad spank me on my ass ↑ |
| Name: kmarsh3939 | Date: Jul 9th, 2007 11:19 PM |
| I would probably say that it was innocent had I not been experiencing a similar situation - but the daughter is 24. They see each other naked. she sleeps with himin his king size bed when she comes up to visit - every other weekend, until just recently - and not even always - i am not invited around when she is here. they smack on the lips when she leaves. I feel like the other woman. So I say - be VERY careful. He sees nothing wrong either - He has been divorced for 13 yrs and they have had all this time to "see nothing unusual about it". He will not understand your concern or see what you see. But would he be embarassed for his buddies to see them interact? ↑ |
| Name: observer | Date: Aug 8th, 2007 12:26 PM |
| i was hoping all of you could help me out. i am married to kind-loving man with a 14.5 year old daughter from a previous marriage. during our time together she has been doing stuff that is consider very inappropriate - she sits on his lap for long periods of time constantly shifting, has strattled his lap directly over his crotch, has tried several times to pull down his pants when they are playing tag or are in the pool, spoons with him and sleeps in our bed when i am on business travel. when i brought all of these things to his attention as inappropriate behavior he stopped them right away. although it was a huge adjustment, she is doing much better but slips up once in a while by trying to sit on his lap or spoon with him and he does not correct it until i speak up which always turns into a huge verbal fight. in my mind he is sending a mixed messages, which can lead to other problems. recently i noticed that when he talks to her on the phone or instant message he touches himself (descreetly in his own mind but very visible to the rest of the world) by holding on to his johnson or gets a slight woody; which i find disgusting. although i do not think he is a molester i do think there is a degree of sexual attraction between them and i don't know how to bring that up without him blaming me for thinking such sick thoughts. by the way, she also does the same type of things with her step dad and in my mind if her dad gets a slight woody while talking to her who knows what kind of reaction she gets from the step dad. do you think she is getting this behavior from someone that is molestering her or is she exploring puberty/sexuality with the two men she is close to? although i blame the men in this case, especially the dad (as he is getting something out of it too) can someone please tell me how i should deal with all of this? is it better to walk away or save the relationship? ↑ |
| Name: Natasha1 | Date: Aug 10th, 2007 9:16 AM |
| This is hard sounds very weird but my opinion is this is way too over affectionate!!! Im not sure wat to say here although the best option is sit and talk 2 him or mayb say one day shes gettin too old for that!!! ↑ |
| Name: Observer | Date: Aug 15th, 2007 12:30 AM |
| Thanks for your input Natasha1! ↑ |
| Name: anon | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:31 AM |
| do a little research. it is perfectly normal. in fact, fathers pulling away from daughters is not healthy. youre so worried about incest? research. seldom is incest done by the father. its uncles, cousins, etc. close male siblings. but not dad. im sorry you all were raised with distant fathers who didnt know how to relate to their daughters. you missed out. but dont project that on men who know how to be affectionate to their kids, male or female. ↑ |
| Name: Lily | Date: Oct 4th, 2007 5:35 PM |
| LIghten up and stop being so jeolous. If she didn't like it she wouldn't be asking for more and if he was uncomfortable he would stop. Seems like you are the only one objecting and you are not even related by marriage..just a shack up. ↑ |
| Name: irish Amy | Date: Oct 4th, 2007 6:59 PM |
| I totally agree with with nicole miller, a kiss on the lips is fine but the hand on the back of the neck is a no no, also where the hand goes makes or breaks something as far as I'm concerned, if you are uncomfortable with something then thats how you feel and you should'nt have to compromise that, its lovely that they are close and he is so affectionate with her but there is a line ↑ |
| Name: MISTY | Date: Oct 7th, 2007 12:16 PM |
| WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? MY FATHER DID IT TO ME. IT DEFINITELY HAPPENS FROM FATHERS. I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION NOW AND IT IS NOT JEALOUSY. IT IS CALLED BEING AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS. IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE THAT IS INNOCENT BUT IT IS INAPPROPRIATE AND IF IT DOESN'T STOP IT COULD GO FURTHER. ↑ |
| Name: wessiepooh12 | Date: Oct 8th, 2007 3:02 PM |
dude thats weird im 13 and me n my daddy dont talk at all
if possibe
i hate him and he hates me thats the ways its always been...
do you think maybe they are just a tad bit too close??? ↑ |
| Name: Filipa | Date: Nov 1st, 2007 1:06 PM |
| I have a daughter of 4 yr, and sometimes she wants to go to the W.C. when her father is there. From the beginer, when she was 1-2 years old, i tell her father thatīs inappropriate and i allways try to prevent it. Today he get up early and went to a bath. when i get up my daughter was with him in the bath, both were naked. She was happy but it was an issue because i told her, friendly, to get out of the bath. Her father stayed anger with me and told me it was inocent and my thoughts are naughty. i sitll think itīs not appropriate. ↑ |
| Name: Who | Date: Nov 1st, 2007 6:00 PM |
| Name: Filipa | Date: Nov 2nd, 2007 8:02 AM |
| what do you mean by freak? thanks ↑ |
| Name: In the same boat | Date: Nov 6th, 2007 3:54 PM |
| My fiance is doing some of the same things too. When him and his 12 year old daughter kiss they hold it. Sometimes he uses his thumb and gooses me in my crotch area, I told his I didnt like that and he said when i do that to my daughter she laughs. They sleep in the same bed together when she stays with him because he rents a bedroom from a friend but is perfectly happy to keep it that way instead of starting a new life with me in our own house were she would have her own bed. He makes comments about her body like how she is so cute cause her legs are so muscular and sais oh she looked so cute today with her tight sweater on.?????? What is that? He also when talking about her starts to cry. I don't know what to think anymore. HELP! ↑ |
| Name: Stop Causing Problems | Date: Dec 17th, 2007 8:36 PM |
| I am a 32 year old step mother of two teenage daughters and a victim of a wicked step mother. When I was a ltitle girl my step mother did everything in her power to destroy my relationship with my father and she did. I would never do that to my step daughters. You women do not have the authority to make decisions and demands to your husbands or boyfriend about the relationship they have developed with their children.IT IS NOT YOUR CALL. He produced that child without your help and he does not need your help in raising his child. If you can not deal with their relationship - JUST LEAVE and STOP CAUSING PROBLEMS. To this day it makes me so happy because my Father finally came to his senses and divorce that BI***. Now she is a miserable, lonely, old, single woman. He is happly remarried. But our relationship was damaged for life. I blame him for not stepping up to the plate earlier and putting her in her place. Hopefully, these men will see that you will be a nuisance and leave; especially the girlfriends. You don't even have his last name and you are already trying to make changes. These are the things that men hate and it will drive them away or in the arms of another woman. How would you like for someone to tell you who to raise your children and what kind of affection to give them? Just find someone with no children. ↑ |
| Name: marcella | Date: Jan 14th, 2008 7:40 PM |
| And then we wonder why it's consistantly an issue of children getting molested by relatives,because we think its ok to show this kind of affection until something bad happens. This is not jelousy I think ur just being cautious and ur right that type of affection is for man & woman NOT father & daughter. ↑ |
| Name: lonleyemokid15 | Date: Jan 20th, 2008 12:30 PM |
| i just have noone nedd someone or something i dont care what i have 2 do ↑ |
| Name: joyce | Date: Feb 3rd, 2008 7:51 PM |
| i like men with daughters and whos 35 ↑ |
| Name: joyce | Date: Feb 3rd, 2008 7:52 PM |
| a man whos 45 and got a daughter and who make money ↑ |
| Name: torn too | Date: Feb 5th, 2008 6:21 PM |
I have a similar situation going on myself. My boyfriend has twins- boy/girl age 13. The boy constantly gets reprimanded all of the time and the girl gets away with murder. My boyfriend even discusses punishments for his son with his daughter. If she does something to the boy and I make note of it he says I am jealous. When we are together he will kiss me on the forehead or quickly check to see if she sees him kiss me whenever he kisses me on the lips. His boy smiles when he see affection between my boyfriend and I, and my 9 year old acts like it's no big deal.
It totally weirds me out because of the combination of the favoritism he shows her over his son and because of his hiding his affection towards me. He used to cuddle up next to her in bed until I got really mad last year. He called me peverted, but he still kisses her on the lips even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable. He also sits with her at every restaurant we go to, and she is always sitting on him or draping herself on him. ↑ |
| Name: caucajun32 | Date: Feb 7th, 2008 12:06 AM |
Sounds like you pretty jealous and the "green monster" has you by the perverbial ______,.
You say his daughter hasn't hit puberty yet, so she is still his little girl, she won't be for very much longer. She will pull away when she's ready. He is giving her affection, not sexuality ! Girls are different than boys, they need the attention of their fathers, and your seen as a "foriegn body" in the blood stream of her family.
You stated that he pats her on her rump, .......... ?and? there is nothing wrong with this show of affection, society is so f_cked up, when it comes to fathers touching their children.
A mother can touch, hug, kiss, stroke, caress, lay on the couch with, their children and nothing is thought of it.
Men are only human and are now giving the same affections that women have given the children for thousands of years, because we men arn't in the fields reaping the crops from dawn to dusk. We have softened and become more caring, and actually have time for and with the kids.
Richard Pryor had a skit that he did about a witch doctor with a monkey and a line from his skit went as follows,
"The monkey lives here, your just visiting".
You either need to go get some counseling, or divorce him. You keep fishing for someone to validate your point of view. ↑ |
| Name: shay | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 5:22 AM |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 9:38 AM |
| I have read a lot of these step mum ~vs~ step daughter posts and most of them are step mum jealous of the attention dad is giving his daughter. ↑ |
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